It’s already the end (almost) of tomorrow, which of course is now today, which means that it was a short day. Although it doesn’t feel like it was just yesterday. But maybe my day depth perception was made oblique by the fact that I’ve had to settle on yet another level of satisfaction so quickly. The thought of a liquid diet, taken through the mouth, is actually quite appetizing. But not today.
The rad burnt a rather large open sore on the side of my tongue which is in a constant state of scream. And the back of the throat, luckily only screams when swallowing.
It was kind of ego fulfilling to read blog comments like “warrior” or “tough”, but really, I don’t think so. My p factor was way up there today.
The p factor is a measure of one’s (lack of) gumption or mettle, or determined resistance. A lack of one’s toughness. The higher the p factor, the less tough, the closer one is to the sissy bar. We all have a high p factor (or two) for some things. It may be speaking in public, riding on a roller coaster, taking on more responsibility,…the list is endless. Many use the word “fear”, but a more appropriate measure is the p factor. (p being the simple acronym for a word rhyming with and similar to wussy).
In any event, my p factor was quite high today as I walked around the apartment holding my head, trying not to concentrate on the pain. Ridiculous really. I should have more backbone. More resolve. More mettle. No, today I was a sorry excuse for a warrior.
This afternoon I peddled uptown for a one-on-one meeting and was wondering if my client could hear the funny way I was talking. There was more I wanted to convey in our meeting, but I kept my mouth shut. When a colleague from South America called today for a long overdue phone conversation, I couldn’t do it. Had to switch to an online chat conversation, which was much less efficient.
Nevertheless, the day’s almost over and tomorrow is looking a long way off. And, I’m extremely grateful for the “gut port” as one friend described it in a comment. Chemo guy said yesterday that if I’m in pain, just call and they have multitudes of products that take pain away. If this keeps up and skews tomorrow into today, then I may need to delve into a deeper world of pain meds. We’ll see where the p factor is tomorrow.