weekend prior to w7

Yesterday was a beautiful sunny, seasonally mild day in New York.  Not a cloud in the sky and temps reading the low 60’s.  It was an ideal day to be outside.  For that reason there must have been something wrong if I was spending most of it indoors.  I woke up heaving and feeling overall kind of like garbage.  The new surprise has been the amount of mucus and phlegm that has overwhelmed the system.  I’m almost drowning on the stuff.  I can barely hack it up and spit it out before I’ve got to do it again.

With great disappointment, I had to cancel two short meetings that were scheduled for Saturday.  One in the morning with the owner of a factory from Peru.  We were supposed to have either breakfast or lunch as he was heading back to Peru in the afternoon.  The second appointment was with my niece and her bf who were in nyc for the weekend.  I was looking forward to their short visit, but ended up regretfully texting E and I knew she would understand.  I was just in no condition to meet and listen to anyone.

Saturday night was long.  The clock would not tick off the minutes quick enough.  Now Sunday, another nice day spent predominately inside.  I did manage to get to the River today, hacking all the way, for just a short while before it’s back filling the weekend spittoon.

One thing that did help emotionally through this all was receiving a couple of messages of support today.  With the way I feel, I really want to quite the last three sessions. Thinking of adding the damage that just three more sessions will do on top of the way I feel now is an easy motivator for quitting.  Of course that won’t happen and I’ll do the last three.  After that quitting is not an option.  After that it’s all mental.

9 thoughts on “weekend prior to w7

  1. Susan Forney

    Extreme pain, physical or emotional, seems to have a way of casting such a dark and heavy cloak around us causing us to lose our horizon. It tells us it’s never leaving. It dominates every long minute. It’s hard to believe in the moment that it will leave. Yet, like everything else, it will run it’s course then give way to something else. The “Yin and Yang” of life … the deeper we go, the higher we fly. This too shall pass. What a wild ride Spaghetti Fred, hang on – better days ahead.

  2. JA

    thinking of you and wishing these next 3 days away for your sake…just to say, it’s been completed! What an accomplishment thus far and it’ll be done. In.3.short.days. In the big scheme – such a short period but to you – probably feels like it’s never gonna end. love you. almost there. is the swallowing any easier? still swallowing liquid on the daily?

  3. Mother

    Thinking of all the natural things you have done that are actually healing.
    You often rubbed the palms of you hands together. There is great Chi -energy in
    your hands. In Qigong one of the motions is to do that very thing and then gently
    stroke those energized hands on the face, the neck, and tapping the head gently
    with those energized fingers.

    Do you remember going to a Yoga conference with David, Aunt Jeanne and myself? The Yogi said what we do for ourselves is empowering and that all we need
    is the 2 square feet upon which we stand. Now is the time for you to have self tools.

    It is good to have others touch with healing skills. There is an exchange of energy there. But, in addition, healing emanating from self is powerful. I have researched and acquired an exquisitely done DVD by a Chinese Qigong master. I hope you will begin to use it to the degree that your are capable. The attention given it the head and neck in Qigong is gently powerful. You will address all the important energy centers in your body. Will send today. Qigong is for healing and could be part of your personal tool kit.

    I love you , S.

  4. Meredith, daughter of David

    Love you, S. Now only 2 days left. The end of rads is near…then the final push…then healing. Good thoughts your way. As they say across the pond, “keep calm and carry on.” You will make it through this.

    1. Throat Cancer 2010 Post author

      you right dude. my eyes are at half mast. will find a couple of toothpicks to prop up my droopin eyes and get back at it tomorrow.

  5. Mother

    Steven: Excerpt from your Poem – re: (Bike climbing mountain in Colombia )
    small excerpt

    Ode to the Hill
    …I thought things were going well
    In short order I felt like hell
    Had to grit my teeth and pray
    Bring some relief my way
    Trying not to curse the hill
    Knowing it’s all about my will.

    Sometime soon I’ll be in my seat and smiling free
    as my instinct said it would be.
    Sounds like that ride will be with many on the Golden Coast.



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