Gut Port-less

The doctor today was one dry dude. I had to reach to the bottom of my dry barrel to stay with him.  GV and I were in the exam room, I asked if GV could be there, he said, without any change of facial or voice tone, “yes, until I throw her out.”

He wants to make sure I want to get the tube taken out so he asks some questions about how long I’ve eaten by mouth. Once its out, it’s out. I ask him how long after it’s out that the hole will close. He says that he has a paper for me to read afterwards that explains. I say, with all due respect doc, this is something I’d like to know prior. He tells me “everybody’s different” and that it could take anywhere from two weeks to several months. I’m thinking about all those doc comments earlier about the hole closing almost immediately.  Two weeks, I say, I’m traveling soon, how can it take two weeks? He says, “well, maybe you don’t want it out yet.”

No I said, it’s coming out. He says he can yank it out right here, and that it will hurt for about 10 seconds.  Or, if I want to be more confortable, he can send me to the clinic where they can put me under. No, let’s get this done.  Now GV says she wants to leave. Ok, no problem.

So I go lie down on the table, he gets gowned and goggled up and yanks the thing out. Oh yes, it hurts all right. He asks for my finger to keep pressure on the hole and he leaves the room. When he returns he asks how I’m doing. I say that it’s been longer than 10 seconds and it is still hurting. He tells me I’ll be all right. He gives me the paper he wrote regarding what to expect, and it says that after eating, I should be on my back for about an hour. What?  Oh yea, he says, if not, food could leak out until the hole closes.

Just keep it washed and a fresh bandaid on it until the hole closes. You’ll know the hole closes when food stops leaking out. Great, thanks doc. He kicks me out, but asks for his copay first.

Must admit, it is a weird feeling, kind of like I have a hole in my stomach.